Have any of you ever felt resentment or anger at your significant other? Have you ever been angry that you cannot give your partner or your children the holiday they deserve. Or just plain that you wanted them to have? Now don't get me wrong. I know that Christmas is not all about gifts. And my children will know that too. But, I will be honest. I am pissed. I am so angry because Gary has not been going to work, that now, I can't get family pictures taken. It would be Gideon's first. And I can't even buy stocking suffers, or a few small gifts for my kids. Yes, they will get things from other family member's. But, what about us?? What about our gifts? This is the first Christmas that Garrett is really going to start to understand any of it...and just plain Gideon's first. I don't know what to do.
I feel...a little betrayed. Because, first it is Christmas...then it is going to be, "oh we can't afford a house." I have been here before. After it is "oh we can't by a house," It is going to be "Lee needs help with his business in Idaho." That is not going to work. First off, I don't want to live in Idaho. Second, Lee can't pay his 3 workers as it is...but yet he is still pushing Gary to come work for him. I have 2 kids. I cannot have that. I cannot live with a job where we may or may not get paid that month. But his mother, will just say, "Lee will do what he can to take care of you, and wel-fare is so much easier to come by here so you will be okay." She has honestly said that to me more than once. Do you have no self confidence?!
I honestly don't know what to do. This is my second post of the day...and well...all this came to me because Gary and I got in a fight when he called on lunch. I feel bad for my kids. I feel bad that I can't do more for them this Christmas. But at the same time, I feel like I am being selfish. GAH!! HELP ME!!!
XOXO
Sarah
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You aren't being selfish I feel the same way right now but only because we aren't getting our rent money. I think you are going to have to demand Gary to work. He knows he has you on such a short leash and you aren't allowed to buy anything so he knows that. It is so easy for him if he needs money to ask grandma and grandpa and they always give it. Why should he need to ask when he has a great job but just refuses to work? You will be okay just hang in there and stand your ground!
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you because it is obvious that there are many negative things happening in your life - and no, it is not your imagination. In terms of your kids not having much of a Christmas, that is sad, but as young as they are, it will not have much of an effect on them. What is a far deeper problem is your husbands seeming unwillingness to face his responsibilities as a husband, a father, and a family provider. It would seem that if you cannot have a meaningful conversation with him concerning this, it might be helpful to talk to a neutral person such as your minister, your local Family Services people, a Family Mediation Center (if your community supports one) or even check in with the local public health services to see if there are guidance people available. I would not bring this up with your mother-in-law as she does not seem very receptive, and bringing it up with your family runs the risk of a "family feud" situation.
Does your husband read this blog or know about it?
I wish you good luck, and feel free to leave a comment back or write an e-mail directly. Bob