LOVE??

Love, Love is beginning to be a funny word to me. I am so lost in its meaning anymore. I don't really think it is a good situation when you are starting to forget why you fell in love. And I am trying. Really trying. Gary used to be so different. So happy. Now, he is always upset. And always pissed off about something. I am not even sure What I did anymore. But it is always something. He can never see the positive anymore. Only the negative. That really gets me. I am so in love with him, it is the reason I came back in the first place. But I have to wonder why I did sometimes. My heart always hurts, and it is always breaking. I Don't get it anymore. My life is falling apart. I have everything I want...But not everything I NEED. All I really want is to be loved, and to know that I am loved. Why is it that I cannot get the same thing my parents have?? My mom has never doubted whether or not my dad loved her. Why is it then that I do...That sometimes it would have been better if I stayed gone.

He doesn't even know me anymore. I am a completely different person. I am working on getting myself back. But I am starting to become a pretty strong person, and that is bad. At least to him. I have started to take the time out that I need. When I need a break, or I am getting overwhelmed, I have started to escape. Which he hates, because it puts responsibility on him, and he cannot just sit on the computer and play his games with his brother and cousins and stuff. I just want to yell at him, They are your kids too!! Watch them!! But now, I hardly ask. I just say where I am going and when I will be home.

The only person who can really help me anymore is God, and sometimes it is hard to know when he is there.

XOXO

Sarah